Jude & Zeke Day 11 – Monday 4/4/11

Jude & Zeke Day 11 – Monday 4/4/11

Today I really hit a wall. Fatigue is greatly setting in. I am having trouble at night getting back to sleep after I wake up to pump so I am getting only about 4-6hrs of sleep a night and the day is consumed by the NICU and trying to manage everything else at home. My incision has been hurting a lot and my swelling is increasing a little so I think I’m doing too much, I’m just not sure how I can fix it when the demands are so great.

I woke up from my little nap today just shaking and crying.

Before this pregnancy I had decided that I would not fret about breastfeeding as it had been so challenging for me in the past with the girls. I have a hormone disorder that inhibits milk production. But the boys arrived and I actually had some milk this time. With them being twins and preemies it was so important they got breast milk so I quickly changed my mind and wanted to give it a try. They were given donor breast milk in addition to the little I could provide for the first week and then were transitioned to formula and whatever I was producing. Zeke is having some spit up issues and the breast milk is a lot easier on their stomachs and is so important for their compromised immune system.

It feels like my body failed me with all that I went through leading up to their birth that resulted in premature babies and then not being able to provide them with what they need. Its just really really emotional for me and its hard to cope with. I know I’m doing and have done absolutely everything I could but its still so hard. So please pray for my sanity and stamina and pray for breast milk!

Right now I am only able to pump a half ounce which isn’t even half of one feeding for just one of the twins. I know the babies are doing a much better job and it seems they get a lot more at their feedings but I only have access to them three times a day. It is also hard to have no privacy with the pumping and breastfeeding while in the NICU and all the doctors coming and going.

On the bright side the boys are doing so well. Both of them maintained their same weight from yesterday and are eating well. Jude is on his countdown and may be home on Wednesday or Thursday this week. We are scrambling to get a few more things we need and a different car seat for this little guy.

Zeke is still only allowed to try feeding by mouth three times a day, two at the breast and one on the bottle. He is really starting to get the hang of it. I was surprised that the dr. didn’t increase his allotted attempts at feeding today which is a little frustrating but I know they know what they are doing. I just want him to learn so he can come home too. I am praying that it won’t be too much longer than Jude. I need them both at home!

We had to take the girls to the dr. today. Ayla has had a runny nose for awhile now and the doctor said she has allergies so we are trying a new medicine on her. Eden also had a runny nose but its not allergies. The doctor did discover she had a really bad ear infection so she was started on drops for that. The little girl hadn't complained about it at all and seems totally fine so I'm thankful for that.

Sorry no pictures today … too much going on.